Ugh I try to keep this blog mostly professional. but if I may whine a little. I’ve been having really bad body image issues lately, which I always feel stupid about. Laying in bed feeling sad doesn’t help much at all. I know that mostly what I feel isn’t logical, when I’m feeling good I think “I look nice! I look pretty!” but when I’m feeling bad I just feel like I’m offending everyone’s eyes when they look at me.
A big part of it I think is when I was younger and more vulnerable some people I really cared about told me when they looked at me I made them nauseous, or that I was unattractive and no one would want me. Even though my appearance has changed a lot. For a long time I thought whenever someone told me something mean or negative they were telling the absolute truth, and if someone was telling me something nice was someone just being polite.
I’ll delete this later I just wanted to vent. Today I went outside and jogged and I felt a lot better moving around, I know these bad feelings are temporary, but they get me down sometimes. I hate that I can look at all sorts of different people and think they are so beautiful, I want to practice thinking that about myself.
I struggle with body issues too, but I’m so much better now than I used to be. Especially when I was in high school and just after, I was convinced I was a horrible goblin of a person, and that everyone was just being polite when they said nice things about me, just like you say.
One thing that helped me (and you’re under no obligation to try it or anything but I thought it might be good to share) was I started looking in the mirror at myself more. Like, really looking, spending time looking at myself. It was really hard at first, because I thought I was ugly and horrible, and at first all I could think about was all my flaws. But I would force myself to stand in front of the mirror and find something nice to say about my appearance. Even when I was feeling down on myself, especially then, I would make myself find something nice to say, and realize that I was a good person, and that I didn’t deserve all the bad things I thought about myself. I did this every day, and after a while it got easier, and I found more nice things to say. I think this worked because I spent so much time looking at others, and convincing myself I didn’t look like them and I was ugly, but I never spent any time actually looking at myself and realizing that, hey, I wasn’t a monster. I needed to correct that for myself.
It takes a lot of work, but it’s so worth it, as you know. I have my good days and bad days, but they’re mostly good days now, which is nice. Whatever you find that works best for you, go for it! You totally deserve it. Good luck! *huuugs* I hope you feel better soon.